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I think one of the first things that crosses a parent?s mind when they learn they?re having a baby is child care. They either have to determine if one of the parents can and/or wants stay home, or they have to decide who is going to care for their precious little nugget while they?re at work. It is such a stressful decision, probably the hardest one that has to be made (and I?m nowhere near discussing working vs. staying at home decisions so don?t even go there).
My husband and I were so blessed that my mother had retired from working several years before our son was born and she happens to live less than a mile from us so it was always kind of a given that she would take care of him while we were at work. More than once a month we verbalize how fortunate we are that we are in this position. While the value placed on the pros of this opportunity far outweigh the cons of the situation, there definitely are a few ??aren?t?there for every situation? Oh, and let me say, there is a LOT to be said about having day care provided by a center (in home or otherwise) ? interaction and learning with other children being one of many ? and I will in no way ever ?knock? people who either can?t or choose not to have family watch their child.
So here?s what I think are the top 5 pros and cons of having a family member as your child?s daily caretaker.
Pros
1. They treat them like they?re their own
Everyone knows that grandparents love their grand kids just as much as they love their own children so I have no worries or questions that she?d guard him with her life. Plus, she raised me and did a good job (duh) so I feel comfortable with the way she will handle him and any situations that arise. She also takes tons of pictures and texts them to me, she has our video camera and videos him. She takes him to any activities I want to sign him up for, takes him places, etc.??I have complete peace of mind when he?s with her.
2. It?s free!
It?s all about the benjamins, baby ? maybe this should be number one. It?s free (usually)! ?Is child care not the most expensive thing ever? I suppose it depends on where you live but around here it can be over $1,000 a month. Some people can?t afford to work because of day care costs! I know it doesn?t have to be free ? my mom?s friend gets paid to watch her grandson. I think this was the daughter?s offering. My mom thinks that?s crazy so we don?t pay her but my husband and I do give her extra nice gifts for holidays and birthdays. She basically gets what she asks for because she saves us thousands in money and in peace of mind, which is priceless.
3.They?re building strong relationships
I love the relationship that my son is building with my parents. My dad helps him brush his teeth every morning. He gets spoiled by sometimes getting to have breakfast in bed with him before my dad heads to work. He listens and remembers what they say and tell him and you can see he is at ease when he?s with them. It?s fun to see my parents get to be grandparents and be so hands on with him. My dad was always working when I was a kid so it?s fun to see him get to ?have? the boy he treated me like 
.
4. Sick days
When he?s sick, I can still take him to day care (she hates it when I call her ?day care?). There is no ?24 hours since having a fever? restriction and no calls to come pick him up because he?s sick. Disclaimer: this is really only a pro when I have meetings or something that absolutely can?t be worked around. I will still stay home with him or come home early if he needed me. But she can even take him to the doctor (I have authorization on file at the Pedi) if we needed her to ?before we could get to him.
5. Flexibility
I have an hour commute (on a normal day!) and while my husband works just less than 10 miles from home traffic can still be bad, but we aren?t frantically trying to race to ?day care? to pick him up for fear of an additional charge or holding up an employee who is just as eager to get home. Mind you, she?s always ready for her freedom at 5:00 but there?s no stress to meet that time.
Cons
1. They treat them like they?re their own
Sometimes I feel like she really thinks he?s hers and tries to make decisions based on what she would do when it?s not quite how I want to do things. Maybe hardest of all ? I do not like being called grandma. End of story. Okay not really end of story ? my son often gets confused and calls me grandma or her mommy ? heck, even my husband gets called grandma. He almost always corrects himself so it?s really just slip (he?s 2!) and there?s nothing behind it but it?s still kind of hard to hear sometimes.
2. Sick days/no drop offs for errands
So while I can send him off when he?s sick ? I can?t send him off when she?s sick. There?s no additional teachers to cover for her. And likewise, when she?s on vacation, one of us needs to be too, eating into our leave time at work. It balances out I guess, if I can send him when he?s sick although I might not want to. Another aspect is I hear my daycare momma friends say how they can take the day off and still drop their child off for at least part of the day so they can go to appointments or run errands ? I cannot. If I?m off, my mom automatically knows (thinks?) she?s off.
3. Too much advice/ ?I did it this way?
It?s not 1980 anymore. We do things differently than my mom did raising me. While she did a great job (again, duh) and I obviously made it this far without flipping out from Red dye #40, it doesn?t mean I want to pump him full of sugar or preservative packed foods. As much as I hate hearing ?it was fine for you? I know she hates hearing ?I don?t want to do it that way?. It took a long time to convince her that coats were not okay to be worn in car seats, and no, we aren?t turning him forward facing just because he?s one year old. Back when I was nursing, it was completely foreign to her since I was formula fed. I think she wanted me to give it up because it was more work for her, learning how to store and serve the milk, etc. Hey, she?s lucky I didn?t cloth diaper and give her that to learn! In addition, we also hear ?what I do?what I would do?I think?? a lot. I block these out as much as I can, or vent to friends instead, because again, pros outweigh the cons here.
4. He gets spoiled
Oh this child has more toys than I don?t know what in that house! She converted her dining room to a play room, this is in addition to his room. He has infinitely more toys over there than at home. He often brings home a toy (because he refused to part with it that day) that I haven?t seen and he tells me ?grandma got it for me today?. Now, it?s usually something small ? she tells him big things are for birthdays and Christmas and she does make it clear to him that its for having done something good or being especially good or something but I had to lay it down that every trip to Target does not result in a Matchbox car!
He also doesn?t get constant interaction with other kids. I have to work hard to find age appropriate activities for her to take him to and she has to go outside of her comfort zone and chat up people at the playground to find potential playmates/dates for him. She works hard to get him interaction with her friends grandchildren or her neighbors children. He doesn?t have a lot of friends that aren?t his cousins (who he sees rarely anyway) like some of my friends children who go to daycare do.
5. Babysitter burn out
My mom is pretty much our only ?babysitter?. We have never looked for anyone else to babysit him and I do worry about the day we need to when I consider our nap and bedtime routines. He?s super flexible so it?s really my thing to get over. My mom has had my grandma and aunt come over to help her out when she?s needed to go to an appointment or something and he?s been perfectly fine (although they typically aren?t putting him down for a nap) but we haven?t had anyone at our house. So this is a con because I don?t like asking her to watch him on the weekends if we want to have a date night or do something where we can?t bring him. I feel like, she?s watched him all week, the weekend is her free time and she needs a break from him. However, it?s amazing, she pushes for family dinners at our house on Sundays and I think she?s crazy since she was just with him Friday and will see him the next morning. I guess that?s the love of a grandparent! And she will keep him on a weekend night if we have something special we need or want to do (like the holiday party tonight!) so we are very very lucky, I just have to ask.
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I know some of these pros and cons probably go along with having a non-family care giver as well. And there?s pros and cons to every choice we make as parents but for right now I am thankful beyond words (ok, maybe beyond 1700 words) that this is our situation. I think my mom loves it too so I?m glad she?s happy with the arrangement too.
Source: http://www.wivesunscripted.com/2012/12/07/pros-and-cons-to-having-family-as-your-daycare-provider/
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